I am usually indifferent to Monday’s … they are a fresh start to the week, a time to work on new goals, new priorities and get off to a good start.
If every Monday was like today, I really don’t think I would like Monday’s. While this morning and afternoon did NOT go as planned and were much less pleasant that I was expecting, I also re-learned an important lesson.
This is potentially a very long story, I will try to tell the short version here. A little over a year ago, I really started to become interested in health and fitness as a full time thing. I liked working out, I wanted to help other people achieve the kind of success I had achieved and I started slowly pursuing bits and pieces of it. Out of that has come this blog, I am a group fitness instructor, and I am also working on getting certified as a personal trainer. There are so many other opportunities I want to explore and research (like nutrition). I am not going to be quitting this “fitness stuff” anytime soon. I am a huge fan of this healthy lifestyle and inspiring others. I remember when I used to be on the other side of it feeling like I could never loose weight and never change. I want to help those people see they can succeed and that there is hope. That being said, it is still a side job for me. I have a full time job and I will blog more about the specifics in another post.
I do really like aspects of my full-time job. The people I work with are super cool, I get a lot of flexibility, and it’s fun most of the time. The downside is it can be VERY stressful. As the years go by, I am able to handle less and less stress, it’s like it wears on me more. So, that part of my job has gotten to be almost intolerable. Today I was feeling some of that stress and got a glimpse of what is coming in the next few months. It made the time at work today somewhat emotional for me.
There was a time last March where I thought to myself, “maybe I should just call it quits after this month”. So May would have been my last month at my full time job and I could have focused full time on health and fitness and where this will take me.
Well, that was wayyyy too scary to me at the time. I didn’t want to take the risk financially, I wasn’t very confident in myself or my abilities and I had already committed to working another year, so I didn’t want to go back on my word.
You know that saying “What if I fall? But darling, what if you fly?” I wish someone had smacked that across my face in March. The reality is, things always happen for a reason. I didn’t feel ready in March, so I made the best decision that I could at the time. Now I am totally ready and I am wishing that I had taken that leap back in March. I am trusting that this has happened for a reason and that these next 5 months of work will all be with purpose.
On the bright side, I at least started. I started trying to make the transition, I started working hard on how I can make health and fitness something that is my job and sustains me. I love being creative, creating and sharing. Sweat also makes me happy and I am so thankful for the people fitness has brought into my life. Of course it is a lot of work now, but eventually it will pay off and I will be able to put all my effort into what I love, health and fitness.
I know I am not the first blogger to say “this is what my dream full time job would be” and that there are a lot of us who put in double time, 40 hours (or more) at our full-time jobs and who knows how much time on our side jobs/passions. I’m just kicking myself in the pants a lil because I feel that I had a window of opportunity to seize it and put my all into it, and I didn’t take it. The bright side of that is as soon as I have that opportunity again, I will swipe it up SO fast and will NOT take it for granted.
I have to remind myself that loyalty is a good thing, and it’s something that’s an important value to me. I also don’t like disappointing people, but sometimes disappointing people is inevitable.
My boss at my full time job is the coolest person you will ever meet, and I really like working for him. It’s hard to say no to him or want to disappoint him. However, I also don’t think I should keep putting my dream and passions on hold because of loyalty to someone else. It’s a blurry line, but still. It’s not fair to my future or my goals to continue in something out of obligation.
I am going to follow thru on my word and finish what I committed to. To me it is important to finish what you start and finish it well. While the stress today made me want to quit, I know that persevering thru this time will pay off even though it will be a lot of hard work. I am committed to doing a good job, taking care of myself and pursuing my dream at the same time.
I have learned a lesson — I need to follow my heart and trust myself. Sure there would have been lots of unknowns if I stopped working and pursued fitness, but like the first quote says “sometimes the best way to be happy is to learn to let go of things you tried hard to hold on to that are no longer good for you”.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because it is possible that some of you are going thru something similar, or debating an important decision and don’t know which way to go. Maybe you are unhappy with your current situation but are scared to change. This can apply to anything from your job to your weight.
You can try this: make a list of what is important to you, what your priorities are. Think about what they would be in the perfect world, not what they have to be. Once you have done that, put your hard decision up against that. Does it align with your priorities or take away from them? It is much easier to see where you need to go or what decision you should make that way.
I was a different person in March than I am now and I am proud of how I have matured, how I have come to respect myself more and be more confident in my abilities. Even if I do fail, that is part of the learning process and I have to get up and try again. I am going to have to make lemonade with the lemons that I dealt myself. While part of me wants to be upset about the decision that I made, the other part of me is thankful that I have learned this lesson.
Big decisions are never easy to make, and sometimes you will never know if you made the right decision or not. People will try to bring you down, tell you that you can’t do it. Show people that they were wrong. You must be confident in yourself and pursue what you are passionate about. If you pursue your passion, there will be lots of hard work and sweat involved, but it is for you, not for anyone else!